Here’s a new recurring segment I am going to call Jedwednesdays where I present the past weeks best tweets from the best band in history; Jedward. For those unfortunate enough to have missed their Twitter feed, it is a glorious amalgamation of dadaistic poetry and childlike exuberance. So for the first time ever, let’s dissect the past week through the eyes of Jedward.
“we just want to let you know that you guys are the best ever and we love you all so much”
Aww, isn’t that a nice start? We love you too, guys.
“whats up people! you know who we are talking about whats up people! can we get an encore! whats up people dont pee yo people?”
I admire the energy here, which seems to be these guys’ standard setting. I’m surprised they can even get to sleep at night without running in place like a pair of dreaming dogs. And what’s up? Since we took your advice to not pee, the answer is urinary tract infection.
“Jumping! Jumping like a Polaroid Picture Hey YA! http://twitpic.com/4wkkmc”
There’s a lot of jumping in these boys’ weird lives, but this one caught my eyes since I’m not entirely sure they know what a polaroid picture is.
“whos going to the gym? we are not we have never been in a gym without an awkward person trying to compete with us! last time it was a lady”
See, that’s exactly why I don’t go to the gym either. Those damn ladies and their primal competitive instincts.
“Teddy Bears! some people hug them and others give them as gifts we don’t do any of that we have teddy bear trainers on now!”
That’s a pretty impressive plot twist for a 140 character tweet. I thought I knew all there was to know about teddy bears until they hit me with that sneakers bomb. Where can I get some?
“EMERGENCY WE FOUND A HOSPITAL BED AND WE JUST HAD TO CHECK IT OUT! http://twitpic.com/4x6isf”
Exhibit A for why there needs to be a Jedward photo book made by Taschen right away.
“Louis Walsh says hello to everyone he has a very cool dicky bow!”
I stopped reading this tweet five characters from the end because it made too much sense.
“We are never late the Movie is simply early! So weird when you miss the beginning of a movie! It’s like who’s that! What’s happening?”
Seinfeld couldn’t have done it better.
“We have a burning desire to burn some toast! It’s like no don’t burn bread!”
Jedward is all about the duality between one’s primal desires and external stigmas. And toast.
“Feeding a Baby some baby food! silly baby! but the person is not a baby! silly baby person!”
Say this quickly and it starts to sound like Lady Gaga lyrics.
“Ring Ring! Alarm Alarm! Wake Up! did you have a good sleep! what did you dream of! who did you dream of? did someone go baby wee wee”
Again with the Urine Policing.
“Seeing Skinny jeans for the first time! always wearing skinny jeans but never said hello just went into a shop and bought them hows yo jeans”
I don’t even
“its not that we are crazy everyone needs to wake up! have a bowel of energy and top it with some jumps and flips!”
I’m embroidering this on a pillow right now.
“There is a weird smell around us but we smelt ourselves and is deffo the people infront of us! Get the new fragrance it’s called ‘I smell'”
Not everyone can hold it in forever, guys.
“Just had a race to the aeroplane toilet against this dude guess who won? Jedward! didn’t just walk! jumped over the seats”
As you have evidently found out for yourselves.
“Really want to go to the dessert! It’s kinda like a huge sand castle that fell apart and left a dessert”
And in the “dessert” we’ll leave our heroes until next week. Stay tuned for more Jedwednesdays!